sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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