Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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