My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
