i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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