You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i've created a new STD.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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