I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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