If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize