I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
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I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
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I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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