you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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