Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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