and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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