Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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