I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
