hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You can't motorboat a personality
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
