I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
