like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
