I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
