she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
