I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
