I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize