ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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