Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Dick very happy bro
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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