Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
