I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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