I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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