what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
