if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
