I'm really into asian looking animals
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
