That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
