So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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