There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
