My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
