That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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