The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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