don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm both gender and math confused
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
