So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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