Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
