apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
