Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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