I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize