I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize