I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
