My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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