How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
