Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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