Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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