I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
