Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
