so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
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My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
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I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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