dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
