just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
