Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
