covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
