I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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