I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
