Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
