i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
