If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
