hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Come share oat with me in your robe
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
